“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away? Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.” Matthew 19:4-9 NIV
To divorce means to separate, or place distance between two spouses. Moses permitted or “suffered” (KJV) them to divorce because their hearts were hard. To obey the two greatest commandments*, followers of Jesus Christ must have soft heart:
“So, as the Holy Spirit says: “Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion, during the time of testing in the wilderness, where your ancestors tested and tried me, though for forty years they saw what I did. Hebrews 3:7-9
A divorce certificate merely dissolves a civil marriage contract; it cannot dissolve the spiritual bond created by God. A husband and wife are released from this “one flesh” union only by death:
“The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 7:39 KJV
“Do you not know, brothers and sisters–for I am speaking to those who know the law–that the law has authority over someone only as long as that person lives? For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law that binds her to him. So then, if she has sexual relations with another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress if she marries another man.” Romans 7:1-3 NIV
Because a civil divorce does not “un-join” what God has joined together, re-marriage while a spouse is still living always results in the spouse committing adultery. The government’s divorce law dissolves a civil marriage contract, but it is powerless to break God’s covenantal bond.
“And it is easier for heaven and earth to pass, than one tittle of the law to fail. Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.” Luke 16:17-18 KJV
“And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.” Mark 10:10-12 KJV
Summary: Man’s law cannot undo what God has created. Divorce separates a God – joined husband and wife physically and civilly, but it does not unjoin or make them “two” again. They remain one flesh, joined by God until death. If either one re-marries, they commit adultery with the new spouse.
“The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 7:39
“Know ye not, brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law,) how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth? For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.” Romans 7:1-3
“But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.” 1 Corinthians 7:15
If your husband or wife departs from you, you are not in bondage to force to your contentious husband or wife to stay in the marital house. You can have peace in your heart from the Lord Jesus Christ as HE promises all His true followers, despite any circumstances. Nowhere does scripture it say your spouse departing or even divorcing you un-joins you or un-makes the “one flesh” that God has made into two individual fleshes again. That is why Adam and Eve are the perfect analogy for marriage, they were one flesh and bound together, from the beginning:
“And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. Genesis 2:18-25 KJV
Paul says; “Wives, submit yourselves unto your OWN husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. his is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. “ Ephesians 5:22-33 KJV
“Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent? If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?” Matthew 7:7-11 KJV
“Jesus answered and said unto her, Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst gain: But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.” John 14:13-14 KJV
“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-31 KJV
What divorce does The Lord Jesus Christ allow (He requires it) in Matthew 5 & Matthew 19? The divorce from a marriage, not because your spouse sinned or cheated on you, but because the spouse you married is cheating with you. That is because divorce only ends the civil marriage agreement, it does not end the holy marriage bond that God establishes when HE joins two and makes them one.
The Lord Jesus Christ requires divorce only as a fruit of repentance. Specifically, to leave a marriage that He did not join.
“It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery. ” Mathew 5:31-32 KJV
“The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it. ” Matthew 19:3-12 KJV
The “exception” Jesus Christ refers to is divorcing from a sexually immoral or “fornicating” marriage. This occurs when one or both spouses already have a living, God-joined, “one flesh” spouse. In such cases, the re-marriage is not a covenant joined by God, but an ongoing state of sexual immorality or fornication. To follow the Lord Jesus Christ, the marriage must repented of, meaning the two in the re-marriage must divorce from each other because God never joined their marriage in the first place.
“A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another. ” John 13:34-35 KJV
If you and your spouse did not have a living spouse when you got married, you are in a marriage God joined together. You can’t love you God – joined spouse if you divorce them. That is only done by a hard heart; see Matthew 19:8. Furthermore:
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.” Ephesians 5:22-28 KJV
While cheating within a marriage is adultery, it does not dissolve the bond. You cannot divorce your “own” (covenant) spouse without committing adultery. Divorce is only valid when separating from a union that was illegitimate from the start because it violated an existing God-joined bond.
True discipleship is defined by love, which is incompatible with the “hard heart” required to put away a covenant spouse.
“By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.” John 13:35 KJV
A husband is commanded to love his wife as Christ loved the church, a sacrificial, cleansing love that seeks her holiness. Since you are “one flesh,” to divorce your own spouse is to fail to love your own body.
“So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.” Ephesians 5:28 KJV
Summary: The only biblical “divorce” is the departure from an unlawful, fornicating union to return to the order God established from the beginning. In a true, God-joined marriage, the bond is indissoluble, and love leaves no room for separation.
“So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. hen the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. ” Genesis 2:20-24 KJV
“The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry. Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others–and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.” Matthew 19:11-12 NIV
“But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.” 1 Corinthians 7:15 KJV
When an unbelieving spouse chooses to leave, the believer is not “under bondage” to forcibly prevent that departure or continue a cycle of strife. God has called the believer to peace. However, this verse does not state that the marriage covenant itself is dissolved.
It is essential to distinguish between the bondage of a contentious relationship and the bond of the marriage law. Nowhere in Scripture is it written that the departure of a spouse ends the “one flesh” union. Paul later clarifies that the only thing that severs this bond is death:
“A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 7:39 NIV
To understand the limits of a wife’s or husband’s liberty, one must look to the totality of Scripture. Romans confirms that the authority of the marriage law remains active as long as both parties are alive.
“Do you not know, brothers and sisters–for I am speaking to those who know the law–that the law has authority over someone only as long as that person lives? For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law that binds her to him. So then, if she has sexual relations with another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress if she marries another man.” Romans 7:1-3 NIV
Summary: While a believer is not required to fight a spouse’s desire to separate (the bondage of conflict), they remain spiritually bound to that spouse by God. Physical departure does not equal spiritual “un-joining”; therefore, the marriage bond remains intact until the death of a spouse.
“But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.” 1 Corinthians 7:2 NIV
“Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.” 1 Corinthians 7:2 KJV
This means you can’t have a spouse that already is joined by God (one flesh) with someone else.
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;” Ephesians 5:22-25
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.” Colossians 3:18-19
“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.” 1 Peter 3:1-7 KJV
“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:32 KJV